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crashing..... now.
Jun. 1st, 2003 12:16 amYeah, I know I said I was gone on AIM, but I just had to say this before I went to bed.
Take care of yourselves.
I love you guys.
All of you. Not just the cutes ones. <3~!Take care of yourselves.
Jun. 1st, 2003
::: Lost :::
Jun. 1st, 2003 02:20 amthe stars have gotten lost
in the great black tapestry of sky
they do not follow
their assigned routes
oh foolish stars
fall back to place
i long to see you
dazzle my soul with hope
the grass is buried deep
beneath the prairie snow
it cannot see
the gorgeous light
blessed grass
beg the sun to melt the snow
i miss you deply
echo my soul in song
in the great black tapestry of sky
they do not follow
their assigned routes
oh foolish stars
fall back to place
i long to see you
dazzle my soul with hope
the grass is buried deep
beneath the prairie snow
it cannot see
the gorgeous light
blessed grass
beg the sun to melt the snow
i miss you deply
echo my soul in song
Welcome to June. I will be 20 in exactly two weeks.
I keep fluxuating between being really excited and really depressed about it. I mean, it's nice to be getting older and all, but it just... gah. Every year around my birthday I jsu get really depressed as I look back over my life and see that I haven't really done much anything of note. I look around my room and see all the things that represent myself, my interests. The basket of stuffed animals, the piles of books, the half-finished paintings (complete with paints and brushes) lying on the floor, the collage (featuring Bowie, Sailor Moon, Dragonball Z, angels, pokemon, and various other artwork) on my door, the tinsel on my dresser, the glow-in-the-dark stars attached to all my furniture, the insane amount of porceline dolls, the movie posters, the murals painted on the walls, the guitar in the corner. So much stuff, it should speak of a person with vast interests and love of life. Instead it speaks of a quiet girl with very few close friends and a lust for pain.
I feel lonely.
It's kind of nice when one of my friends comes up and gives me a sporadic hug or somesuch, but it's only momentary, and then it fades again. So I am left alone. Again.
I am insanely jealous of anyone who has found love in their life. I haven't. The closest thing I have is my admiration for a certain japanese crossdresser, or my worship of a certain british rocker. I've never dated anyone for more than two months. And even then, I've only dated about 5 people. No one's been able to keep up with my mercurial moods long enough to keep my interest past that. I am as a stormy sea, looking for a rock to crash upon. A solid rock, not the kind that allows itself to be eroded.
I think I'd be content if I had a friend who understood. Someone who could see the reasons behind the uneven temprament and bright pink hair.
*smiles sadly for a love I cannot obey*
I keep fluxuating between being really excited and really depressed about it. I mean, it's nice to be getting older and all, but it just... gah. Every year around my birthday I jsu get really depressed as I look back over my life and see that I haven't really done much anything of note. I look around my room and see all the things that represent myself, my interests. The basket of stuffed animals, the piles of books, the half-finished paintings (complete with paints and brushes) lying on the floor, the collage (featuring Bowie, Sailor Moon, Dragonball Z, angels, pokemon, and various other artwork) on my door, the tinsel on my dresser, the glow-in-the-dark stars attached to all my furniture, the insane amount of porceline dolls, the movie posters, the murals painted on the walls, the guitar in the corner. So much stuff, it should speak of a person with vast interests and love of life. Instead it speaks of a quiet girl with very few close friends and a lust for pain.
I feel lonely.
It's kind of nice when one of my friends comes up and gives me a sporadic hug or somesuch, but it's only momentary, and then it fades again. So I am left alone. Again.
I am insanely jealous of anyone who has found love in their life. I haven't. The closest thing I have is my admiration for a certain japanese crossdresser, or my worship of a certain british rocker. I've never dated anyone for more than two months. And even then, I've only dated about 5 people. No one's been able to keep up with my mercurial moods long enough to keep my interest past that. I am as a stormy sea, looking for a rock to crash upon. A solid rock, not the kind that allows itself to be eroded.
I think I'd be content if I had a friend who understood. Someone who could see the reasons behind the uneven temprament and bright pink hair.
*smiles sadly for a love I cannot obey*
(all these are taken from our AIM chat, without her permission :P)
[telling me a conversation she just had]
"Mum: Who's that nekkid boy on the computer?
Ruby: That's Gackt, Momma.
Mum: He's cuter than hide...
Ruby: MUM!
Mum: Just saying...
Ruby: D'you remember Hyde, the man in the newspaper suit?
Mum: Yes...
Ruby: Hyde and Gackt need to make babies! *beams*"
[in response to this picture]
"hide, I love you to death and beyond, but you have got the scrawniest arms I have ever seen. Really. What the hell happened to you?"
[cause she's sick et al.]
"You know you've had a really, really bad day when, at noon, suicide seems like the only way out. *cracks up*"
[telling me a conversation she just had]
"Mum: Who's that nekkid boy on the computer?
Ruby: That's Gackt, Momma.
Mum: He's cuter than hide...
Ruby: MUM!
Mum: Just saying...
Ruby: D'you remember Hyde, the man in the newspaper suit?
Mum: Yes...
Ruby: Hyde and Gackt need to make babies! *beams*"
[in response to this picture]
"hide, I love you to death and beyond, but you have got the scrawniest arms I have ever seen. Really. What the hell happened to you?"
[cause she's sick et al.]
"You know you've had a really, really bad day when, at noon, suicide seems like the only way out. *cracks up*"
