(no subject)

Aug. 7th, 2025 11:30 am
greghousesgf: (pic#17098439)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Not much going on here other than me screwing up my leg having to lean on the damn dishwasher to get it to work.

Cake Mix-a-lot

Aug. 7th, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Sharyn

In honor of  the Dog Days of Summer:

 

I like cake MUTTS and I cannot lie!

 

No other pastry beats this guy!

 

When a cake comes out like a pile of doggie waste

 

Or has Sliding-Frosting-Face

It gets SUNG!

 

Wanna say "enough"

 

'Cuz you know that spelling's "Ruff!"

 

Doggie got wrecked.

I'd feel like a heel if I didn't unleash a pack of thanks on Heather W., Nicole O., Erin R.., Catherine S., Sara S., Lysa R., & Thomas R. for taking pictures rather than going barking mad.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

(no subject)

Aug. 6th, 2025 02:35 pm
greghousesgf: (pic#17096904)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Had a great time with my friends last night. Went swimming earlier this afternoon, the latch to the gate on the pool was stuck and one of the Idiot Squad lied to me and said the main bldg key would unlock it. Well, it didn't even fit in the damn keyhole. Luckily it wasn't actually locked, it was only stuck so I was finally able to force it open and had a great swim. It felt rusty.

Infantile Humor

Aug. 6th, 2025 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

[Tinkling bell]

[very polite Englishman] "Yes, I'd like to order a baby shower cake, if I might. Something perhaps a bit creepy. Not fond of the mother, you see."

[very polite English salesman] "Yes, of course, of course... Might I suggest our Face of Birth cake?"

"Hm, yes, it is quite creepy, but I was thinking something a bit more, if that's not too much trouble?"

"Not at all, sir. Perhaps this will be more to your liking?"

"Oh, that is unsettling... but could we remove the body?"

"Say no more. I've just the thing:"

"Yes, yes, I can see how that might send a bit of a shiver. Could we maybe bury the baby IN the cake, though? Perhaps add a crustacean?"

"Ahh, the old 'crustacean on half a newborn!' That's my specialty, sir, and it's quite creepy - if I do say so myself."

"You know, I truly appreciate your effort, my good man, but I think we've missed the mark. I tell you what: just make something vaguely baby shaped and slap it on the ugliest cake you can find. Think we could do that?"

"Of course, sir, and may I compliment you on your excellent sense of humor? I shall have it post haste."

 

 

Thanks to Britani, Valentina V., Alexia O., Alison P., & Zahirah for the ruddy good time.

*****

P.S. If the parents were born in the 90s, bring this to the baby shower, too:

"O Is For Old School, A Hip Hop Alphabet For B.I.G. Kids Who Used To Be Dope"

Aw yeah, that's jammin' on the one, yo.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

(no subject)

Aug. 5th, 2025 10:32 am
greghousesgf: (pic#17098462)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Had some apple pie chai tea. Looking forward to getting together with my friend for her birthday after I get out of physical therapy this afternoon, we're gonna go swimming and then go back to her and her boyfriend's place to make fudge brownies, I already got all the stuff for that.

All Thumbs

Aug. 5th, 2025 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

You've got to hand it to a baker who can knuckle down and bring a touch of class to a "Finger Football" cake:

Offhand I'd say they nailed the look with some sort of digital manipulations, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Oh, and I heard there used to be a few more fingers on the cake board, but you can never put too much faith in second hand rumors.

Hey, Elizabeth M., slap me two!

*****

P.S. Omigosh. MINIONS. Amazon just presented me with the greatest robe hooks of all time. Here, let me give you a few pointers:

Eh? EH?
Of course then I realized these are actually "practice fingers" for manicurists, not robe hooks. Hmph.

Whatever. Slap a command strip on these bad boys and you can still achieve peak Addams Family aesthetic. I'm thinking purse hooks in the entry way, or - OR - cabinet knobs on the bathroom vanity? Ooooh. You can even paint the nails to match your decor! It's brilliant, I tell you, BRILLIANT.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

(no subject)

Aug. 4th, 2025 11:58 am
greghousesgf: (pic#17098439)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Very relieved the power cut was cancelled, I'm too tired to be out all day today. My leg is killing me.

Crafting Update, July 2025

Aug. 4th, 2025 12:07 pm
althea_valara: A cropped image of Feo Ul as Titania from Final Fantasy XIV. Feo Ul is a fairy with fiery orange hair and large butterfly wings. (Titania)
[personal profile] althea_valara
My pivot table tells me I crafted 16 hours 13 minutes in July, on seven different projects.

Two of those projects were tablet pillows. Like this phone pillow I previously made but a bit bigger:

A crocheted phone stand, made in nautical-colored yarn.
[Image Description: A crocheted phone stand, made in nautical-colored yarn.]

I am keeping the first tablet pillow for myself, and the second one is for my older sister, who requested one.

I did 2 hours on my crocheted cardigan. Not much, but I got frustrated with it because... well, I left the ends rather long, so long they tangled with one another AND the working yarn, and it's a pain to try to feed the working yarn through the knot. I need to deal with that this month.

I did 4 hours 38 minutes on a secret project. It's coming along! But I had rather expected to be done with it by now. I lost my momentum with it, and just lost my crafting mojo in general.

I started a gnome as a present for the kidlets, but dropped a stitch and got fed up so put that aside. I am probably going to give up on this plan, and make them snowflakes (if I make anything) instead.

I spent 1 hour 19 minutes making ICONS! It's rare I do image manipulation, so this definitely deserves to be counted. The icon on this post is one of them.

Finally, I spent 20 minutes working on a knit top. I don't recall why I dropped it (literally - the yarn is on the floor under my desk, sigh). Probably got frustrated for one reason or another.

I'm... a bit sad my output is slowing down. I mean, I still did craft quite a bit! But I definitely notice a difference in my oomph. Guess this is my new normal.

Burger Points

Aug. 4th, 2025 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Tips for making the perfect hamburger cake:

- Make it round

...ish.

 

- Include appetizing toppings:

Tentacles and earth worms optional.

 

- Mini-burger cakes can be piles of fun!

(Garnish with corn sprinkles for an experience your customers won't be able to pass by.)

 

- To really add to the "burger" illusion, try a light sprinkling of sesame seeds:

 

- Or the ever-popular condiment rope:

 

- Just don't forget the icing!

 

- And to make your cakes extra memorable, throw in something unexpected. You know, like Funyons:

Believe me, your customers won't soon forget the pungent combination of onion powder and chocolate icing. No matter how hard they try.

 

- However, if you must make a fun "beverage" to go with your burger cake, NEVER MAKE IT CHOCOLATE.

And btw, to the baker who first thought filling one cup with chocolate icing was a good idea: it's too soon. It will ALWAYS be too soon.

(If you don't get it, for the love of Stay Puft, don't google it.)

 

- And finally, when all else fails:

Go with hot dogs.

 

Thanks to E., Martha R., Tharr, April R., Susan M., Amy M., K.F., & Stephanie M. for the grilling.

*****

P.S. Any Bob's Burgers fans here?

The Bob's Burgers Burger Book

Even if you don't need another recipe book, I highly recommend browsing the Table of Contents for gems like "Poutine On The Ritz," "The Sound and the Curry," and "Texas Chainsaw Masa Curd." Hilarious.
******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

(no subject)

Aug. 3rd, 2025 01:19 pm
greghousesgf: (Bertie Smile)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Had some Lady Grey tea. Just got back from getting groceries at Safeway including the stuff to make brownies for my friend's birthday day after tomorrow. Everything from Safeway seems to be OK except I got a bone in my Kung Pao chicken from their scoop Chinese dept.

Sunday Sweets: Modern Marvels

Aug. 3rd, 2025 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Today we're spotlighting wedding cakes with a modern twist. Unusual shapes, clean lines, bold colors - these aren't your grandmothers' wedding cakes. (Unless your grandma was really, really cool.)

Let's start with what I first thought was a stack of brilliant dishware:

By Baking Arts

Wowee - check out that color! And it's actually striped modeling chocolate, not fondant. Amazing.

I love it when bakers experiment with a wedding cake's shape and height. You know, like this:

Submitted by Elizabeth H. and made by Maggie Austin Cake


Formal, but still fun. Love it.

Extra tall bottom tiers are a neat way to liven up more traditional round cakes, too:

By Rouvelee's Creations

Plus that graphic black and white pattern manages to be both modern and timeless all at once.

This next one is also by Rouvelee, because I couldn't pick just one of her amazing cakes:

By Rouvelee's Creations

Look at those swirls! Totally swoon-worthy.

If you asked an artist for an extremely abstract, minimalistic interpretation of sea foam and crashing waves, you might get something like this:

By Gateaux Inc.

Kinda cool, right?

I had to zoom in on this one before I realized the ribbons weren't real ribbons:

Sub'd by Jennifer H., made by Salt Cake City

Sharp corners, crisp lines - just perfect.

Here's another that might fool you into thinking it's wrapped in real ribbon:

Submitted by Kaitlin M., photo by Lisa Lefkowitz, baker unknown

And those graduated colors! I literally gasped the first time I saw this - such great girly goodness.

There's something about sunny yellow accents with black and white that always makes me smile:

Photo by photoARTworks, cake by Something Sweet Cake Studio

Beauuutiful. And I was delighted when I realized this is by the baker who made our very first cake at our very first book tour stop here in Orlando. (Love ya, Johnnie!)

We've seen our fair share of peacock wedding cakes, but here's a more modern twist on all that beautiful plumage:

Submitted by Heidi T.; By Betty Crocker Recipes

So...would you call that shade Norwegian Blue? [innocent smile]

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. It's been over a year since I bought these sleep headphones, so time for another shout-out!

Bluetooth Sleep Headphones

I have the kind of insomnia old-timey bards would write songs about, so I listen to boring audio books on these every night to keep my brain from spinning out of control. Lately I've been wearing them like a sleep mask - like the model here - and WOW, that's helped even more than when I wore them like a headband! These things have been a life saver: comfy enough for side sleeping, not too loud like some of my old speakers, and they only cost $20.

Note that they do run on the big side, but that works out great if you have a big head like me. :D

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

(no subject)

Aug. 2nd, 2025 06:19 pm
greghousesgf: (pic#17096885)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
Had a nice time at the picnic, my lemon cupcakes came out well. Had some very interesting conversations.

(no subject)

Aug. 1st, 2025 03:07 pm
greghousesgf: (Horse)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
I found out earlier this morning that this family I was very friendly with is moving out of the bldg. :(
The damn bldg manager was even ruder to me than usual when I was paying my rent this morning.
My dishwasher is not working at all unless I lean against it which is fucking up my leg. Usually it does this only part of the cycle, now it's doing it the whole time!
The cupcakes at least came out well but the recipe says it makes a lot more than it actually does. It said 24 to 28 cupcakes but it only made 16. That's not going to be enough to go around at the picnic tomorrow, there are always a LOT of people at this picnic. I'm going anyway though.

The Power Of Suggestive

Aug. 1st, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

Attention Parents: Today's post contain adult humor - albeit extremely childish adult humor.

You know how it goes: you see something, you choke back a laugh, you look around to see if anyone ELSE is laughing, you note that no one is, and then you figure your mind is just in the gutter and you're the only one who sees something a little iffy about the sheep bone on this one-year-old's cake, for example:

[Photo removed at baker's request. (Although *she* thought it was funny; the client did not.) Instead, please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot. And then imagine a sheep holding a giant dog bone at hip level.]

Doooo yoooour "bones" hang low?

Do they dangle to and fro?

Can you toss 'em in a sack?

Do they startle little Bo?

Ahem.

The point, my fellow gutter-minded friends, is pointing skyward at the moment - and a little to the right.

But in a more metaphorical sense, the point is I understand. Call it a hazard of the job, but I, too, often see giggle-inducing unmentionables where others see, say, unusually shaped "flowers:"

{Insert stamen joke here}

And I'm forced to wonder just how curious Curious George has become to warrant a giant censor dot:

Of course, some people are even further down the gutter pipes than I am, as evidenced by those of you (John) who felt this less-than-ladylike graduation bear deserved a mention - or at least a longer gown:

Sew Unseamly! Someone get this bear a Barely There Censor Bear, STAT.

(Btw, I've heard of a nip slip before, but what do you call this?)

(No, wait - don't answer that. There are innocents present.)

Ok, I know that one was a stretch - [rim shot!] - but tell me you're not in the LEAST bit curious why a baker decided to do this:

Maybe it's a pun: you know, a trunk down the Gingerbread man's trunks? But then, why does the elephant look so unhappy?

Again, probably best if you don't answer that.

Ever see a cake so cute you just want to squeeze it?

Yeah, I'm feeling the exact opposite of that right now.

And then there are the cakes that cross over from vaguely disconcerting into outright cringe-inducing:

WHY IS THE END OF IT DIRTY?!!

And... [whimper]... is that a pearl necklace?

Close the internet. We all need showers.

What? No, not together - ok, COLD showers, for some of you.

And maybe a case of Unicorn chasers.

Thanks to Anony M., Beth B., Carrie C., Patrick V., Katie Q., Cindy K., & Lesley W. for ruining the song "Butterfly Kisses" for me. No, wait, that was already ruined. Never mind.

(no subject)

Jul. 31st, 2025 01:58 pm
greghousesgf: (Bertie Smile)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
The power cut has been cancelled but I think I will probably stick with the plan of going over to my friends' place to make the brownies on Tuesday anyway, it'll probably be more fun that way anyway. I went to the Safeway this morning to get the stuff to make lemon cupcakes for the picnic Saturday as well as some other groceries. Apparently every Safeway has decided to hire people to work in the deli departments who have no clue what the word "rare" means. eyeroll. Got everything I needed (I will get the brownie stuff Sunday, I don't have a car so I can only get so much stuff on one trip) but apparently Safeway now makes everybody use their membership card through their cell phone number. I feel like a real dope, I can't remember my damn cell number even though I use that phone all the time. The checkout lady had to reprocess my card and I could tell she was getting fed up but I'm not passing up those discounts I get for using the card. That adds up to $31 worth of discounts, I'd be a far bigger fool to pass that up. Had a hard time carrying all the groceries to the bus stop but I did it. Went home and had a swim. Somebody dumped a large dead potted plant in front of my apt door which I almost tripped over this morning. Had to ask one of the maintenance guys to get rid of it.

Hey, This Cake Tastes Like Cardboard!

Jul. 31st, 2025 01:00 pm
[syndicated profile] cakewrecks_feed

Posted by Jen

We've all been there: you order something special, wait weeks for it to arrive, and then discover the hard way that you're allergic to latex. Dang it.

My point is, we've all faced disappointment. And itchiness. But mostly disappointment.

Case in point: Eagle-eyed wreckporter Leigh attended a graduation party last month where the cake turned out to be, well...a little dry.

First the hostess commented how hard the cake was, as she couldn't get a balloon pick to stick into the cake

Then they tried to cut it.

Emphasis on tried:

Hey. Waaaaait a second. Is that...?

IT IS! 

It's a frosted cardboard box!

This would be a brilliant prank, of course, if it hadn't come straight out of the refrigerated display at their local big-chain store bakery (you can see the price tag in the first photo). OOPSIE. I guess now we know where all those display cakes end up!

A big thank you to Leigh W. for forever redefining "box mix."You know, between this and that time Amy found a pair of scissors in her birthday cake, I'm starting to see why some folks prefer homemade.

(no subject)

Jul. 30th, 2025 10:47 am
greghousesgf: (Boingboing)
[personal profile] greghousesgf
I had a text conversation with my friend yesterday and we arranged to just bake the brownies at her and her boyfriend's place Tuesday instead. In the meantime I don't have clue one what to do all day Monday. There's no point in hanging around here if I can't use anything and L. usually has Mondays off work but has other plans that specific Monday so I can't get together with them that day.
Meanwhile I was trying to call some other friends but most of them aren't answering the phone so I leave voicemails but they don't call me back, the only people who call me are these fucking stupid phone scammers who all think I have a gas stove and kids. neither of which is the case.