"don't look a gift horse in the mouth. unless it has fangs"

There's been so much going on in my head, lately. I find it hard to keep things straight. There's, of course, the worries about needing a new car. And work. Work is always a source of stress. My family relations have actually been better than usual, lately. No major fights, no shouting, but that may as much be because our busy schedules keep us out of each others' ways as anything.

I have been bad, though. I've been depressed and drinking the past few days. I seem to have run out of my favourite poisons, though, and refuse to buy myself more. There are healthier ways to deal with these sorts of things. I refuse to go down that path again.

Everything is ready for my trip to El Salvador. I just need to decide which bag I want to take and pack it all in. I'm going through my usual quiet nervousness about leaving. I love travelling so much. I wish I could just be paid to travel all the time.


I've been having a lot of nightmares lately again. It seems my charms have worn off. Cannibalism, rape, and murder seem to be haunting me these days. It's so hard to face every day when I've barely slept, either due to such dreams or insomnia. I fear my view of the world is being tinged even darker than it already is.


I wish I could organize my thoughts enough to mean what I really say. ...or is that say what I really mean?

"we all float down here"

Today is black and gray and I'm wasting time that I just don't have.

(no subject)

Did I seriously just agree to work tomorrow? No idea when I'm going to pack, now. Maybe tomorrow night. I hate when this shit happens.


I also hate that I'm too nice to just say no like I wanted to.