Things I've done lately to be more awesome:

1. cleaned out my closet and donated everything I pulled to a donation for Haiti


2. started taking a daily multivitamin


3. bought new underwear (shut up, comfortable underwear helps improve my mood each day)


4. submitted my application for summer camp


5. started actually talking to a few close friends about my health issues


6. picked up the phone with the intent to call the doctor, started getting really shaky/panicky and put it back down. will continue to do this until I actually make the damned call


7. been looking at yoga classes, but damn it if nothing fits with the ever changing retail schedule


8. turned down a trip in favour of saving money to move out (which is not at all like me)


9. taking as many shifts as I can get at work (which, sadly, will not be many soon...) again for the saving money thing


10. eating way less meat and way more fruit (yey smoothies help in huge ways)

And right now I'm cleaning my room/the basement. Sort of. Life goes on.

::: Hamlet :::

I've admitted more than once
how I long to be Ophelia
she must have been beautiful
I share already her skirts and madness
and you, my dear, I called Hamlet
but that was a cruel lie
my Hamlet has rejected me already
betrayed my heart most dearly

I wonder, instead, if you are my river
could you embrace me whole
and relieve me of my pains?
or do I put too much faith in you
hoping where I shouldn't
believing in the wrong solution
still, I'd bring you flowers
and call them by your name

::: False Shadows :::

it's far too late
I stare at the phone
that never rings
and try not to cry
why aren't you there?

why must I be so in love
with your shadow?
can I never see your face?
I'm starting to think
I don't know anything at all

every time I write to you
I have to turn my head
just can't let myself see
my shoulder blade
has become your domain

perhaps you don't realize
just how fragile I am
for you've not handled me
with due care
I am starting to crack

why am I so shy?
broken pieces
hiding in your darkness
this just isn't right
I'm tired of dying