(no subject)

Although I do enjoy shows like What Not to Wear, they sometimes really piss me off. You can't just magically get a makeover or go away for the week and suddenly come back home, boom!, all your self-esteem off the chart amazing. It's not like that. Confidence and self-esteem are not these light little things that can be strengthened with small effort. And, in some ways, it makes me cry that they're presenting this idea that if you look good, it's all you need to be confident.

Why are we lying to ourselves? We do we think beauty is the only principle that can make us better? I mean, just look at the rampant eating disorders (both anorexia and food addictions) within society. Does that seem like people that are happy about their looks? Beautiful girls (and I assume boys, too?) destroying themselves over perceived flaws.


Fuck that. Seriously.


I may not be the most beautiful girl in the world, or the most confident. I know my self-esteem is shit, but at least I don't lie to myself about it. I don't tell myself "oh, but you'll feel so much better if you just drop those 10 lbs." (Actually, I recently lost a fair amount of weight and it scared me due to how unexpected it was. I feared for my health.) It's ridiculous how much our society values apparent body "health" (actually: looks) over mental health.

We're all going to die from the demons in our brains.

some doors should remain shut

Someone remind me not to read through my paper journals. For, though the writing be some relief to me, the reading can be quite the opposite.