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Dec. 19th, 2018 09:34 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gnutmegSo the batch of cookies for the second order for tomorrow only just came out. I meant to have them out and at least the first layer of icing two days ago, but it's been a week.
Yesterday was therapy followed by babysitting the nephew (and dear Vic is both teething and crawling right now so that can be a headache and a half) and then I ended up going to bar trivia with some of my friends since it's my last chance before Xmas to get them their gifts/baked goods baskets.
Therapy was spent largely discussing how to get through the holidays without increasing anxiety. My therapist suggested "empathizing" ie. If someone is excited about something say "you must be excited" and end the conversation there. I don't know, doesn't feel much like empathy to me.
I'm also not sure how I feel about her trying to coach me out of my natural habit of caretaker. It feels strange. I know it's in exchange for better self care but it still seems wrong in some ways. Don't all the greatest teachers teach us to act lovingly at all times? Though I suppose, to be loving to yourself first would be her argument. But that's hard. Really hard. I've never particularly liked myself.
On the plus side, weaning me off the abilify has decreased the random bouts of muscle stiffness. If this means I have to start a new drug again, though, I'm not thrilled. More new drugs in the last 6 months than in the 6 years before. I'm also experimenting with reducing the seroquel from 75 mg to 50 mg, since my sleep has gotten a lot better and I only wake up once or twice a night now. Between the drowsiness and 50lbs I've gained on this one, I really would like to reduce it. I'm going to try to book with a nutritionist over the holidays to work on a plan so I can shake that off. I've never been skinny, but this weight is scary.
I'm going to have to practice the new qigong meditation we did last we and calm myself down a bit. I swear, qigong is a lifesaver. I found out about it when looking up Tai Chi, and my class does both so I said "why not?" It's a combination of gentle exercise and meditation to work on the healing powers of your own internaly energy or chi/qi.
This meditation is really simple. It's best done while sitting on the floor. You put your right fingers over your left and themubs together then set those in your lap. If you're a beginner, like me, you imagine positive energy flows in with each breath, coming in at the top of your head. It pushes the negative energy out downward, into the earth where it can be cleansed. Repeat 36 times, or about 3~5 minutes if counting breaks your flow. At the end, envision all the fresh energy has settled in your dantian, which is three fingers below your belly button. This is where chi lives. You can imagine it as a tiny sun, warm and refreshing your entire self.
Tai Chi is based on the principles of qigong and the more practiced you get, the more you're moving from these lower energy centres instead of the muscles themselves. It's amazing to watch the 10+ year students move. They're so relaxed and smooth. Like watching the ocean.
Yesterday was therapy followed by babysitting the nephew (and dear Vic is both teething and crawling right now so that can be a headache and a half) and then I ended up going to bar trivia with some of my friends since it's my last chance before Xmas to get them their gifts/baked goods baskets.
Therapy was spent largely discussing how to get through the holidays without increasing anxiety. My therapist suggested "empathizing" ie. If someone is excited about something say "you must be excited" and end the conversation there. I don't know, doesn't feel much like empathy to me.
I'm also not sure how I feel about her trying to coach me out of my natural habit of caretaker. It feels strange. I know it's in exchange for better self care but it still seems wrong in some ways. Don't all the greatest teachers teach us to act lovingly at all times? Though I suppose, to be loving to yourself first would be her argument. But that's hard. Really hard. I've never particularly liked myself.
On the plus side, weaning me off the abilify has decreased the random bouts of muscle stiffness. If this means I have to start a new drug again, though, I'm not thrilled. More new drugs in the last 6 months than in the 6 years before. I'm also experimenting with reducing the seroquel from 75 mg to 50 mg, since my sleep has gotten a lot better and I only wake up once or twice a night now. Between the drowsiness and 50lbs I've gained on this one, I really would like to reduce it. I'm going to try to book with a nutritionist over the holidays to work on a plan so I can shake that off. I've never been skinny, but this weight is scary.
I'm going to have to practice the new qigong meditation we did last we and calm myself down a bit. I swear, qigong is a lifesaver. I found out about it when looking up Tai Chi, and my class does both so I said "why not?" It's a combination of gentle exercise and meditation to work on the healing powers of your own internaly energy or chi/qi.
This meditation is really simple. It's best done while sitting on the floor. You put your right fingers over your left and themubs together then set those in your lap. If you're a beginner, like me, you imagine positive energy flows in with each breath, coming in at the top of your head. It pushes the negative energy out downward, into the earth where it can be cleansed. Repeat 36 times, or about 3~5 minutes if counting breaks your flow. At the end, envision all the fresh energy has settled in your dantian, which is three fingers below your belly button. This is where chi lives. You can imagine it as a tiny sun, warm and refreshing your entire self.
Tai Chi is based on the principles of qigong and the more practiced you get, the more you're moving from these lower energy centres instead of the muscles themselves. It's amazing to watch the 10+ year students move. They're so relaxed and smooth. Like watching the ocean.
