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So the batch of cookies for the second order for tomorrow only just came out. I meant to have them out and at least the first layer of icing two days ago, but it's been a week.
Yesterday was therapy followed by babysitting the nephew (and dear Vic is both teething and crawling right now so that can be a headache and a half) and then I ended up going to bar trivia with some of my friends since it's my last chance before Xmas to get them their gifts/baked goods baskets.
Therapy was spent largely discussing how to get through the holidays without increasing anxiety. My therapist suggested "empathizing" ie. If someone is excited about something say "you must be excited" and end the conversation there. I don't know, doesn't feel much like empathy to me.
I'm also not sure how I feel about her trying to coach me out of my natural habit of caretaker. It feels strange. I know it's in exchange for better self care but it still seems wrong in some ways. Don't all the greatest teachers teach us to act lovingly at all times? Though I suppose, to be loving to yourself first would be her argument. But that's hard. Really hard. I've never particularly liked myself.
On the plus side, weaning me off the abilify has decreased the random bouts of muscle stiffness. If this means I have to start a new drug again, though, I'm not thrilled. More new drugs in the last 6 months than in the 6 years before. I'm also experimenting with reducing the seroquel from 75 mg to 50 mg, since my sleep has gotten a lot better and I only wake up once or twice a night now. Between the drowsiness and 50lbs I've gained on this one, I really would like to reduce it. I'm going to try to book with a nutritionist over the holidays to work on a plan so I can shake that off. I've never been skinny, but this weight is scary.
I'm going to have to practice the new qigong meditation we did last we and calm myself down a bit. I swear, qigong is a lifesaver. I found out about it when looking up Tai Chi, and my class does both so I said "why not?" It's a combination of gentle exercise and meditation to work on the healing powers of your own internaly energy or chi/qi.
This meditation is really simple. It's best done while sitting on the floor. You put your right fingers over your left and themubs together then set those in your lap. If you're a beginner, like me, you imagine positive energy flows in with each breath, coming in at the top of your head. It pushes the negative energy out downward, into the earth where it can be cleansed. Repeat 36 times, or about 3~5 minutes if counting breaks your flow. At the end, envision all the fresh energy has settled in your dantian, which is three fingers below your belly button. This is where chi lives. You can imagine it as a tiny sun, warm and refreshing your entire self.
Tai Chi is based on the principles of qigong and the more practiced you get, the more you're moving from these lower energy centres instead of the muscles themselves. It's amazing to watch the 10+ year students move. They're so relaxed and smooth. Like watching the ocean.
Yesterday was therapy followed by babysitting the nephew (and dear Vic is both teething and crawling right now so that can be a headache and a half) and then I ended up going to bar trivia with some of my friends since it's my last chance before Xmas to get them their gifts/baked goods baskets.
Therapy was spent largely discussing how to get through the holidays without increasing anxiety. My therapist suggested "empathizing" ie. If someone is excited about something say "you must be excited" and end the conversation there. I don't know, doesn't feel much like empathy to me.
I'm also not sure how I feel about her trying to coach me out of my natural habit of caretaker. It feels strange. I know it's in exchange for better self care but it still seems wrong in some ways. Don't all the greatest teachers teach us to act lovingly at all times? Though I suppose, to be loving to yourself first would be her argument. But that's hard. Really hard. I've never particularly liked myself.
On the plus side, weaning me off the abilify has decreased the random bouts of muscle stiffness. If this means I have to start a new drug again, though, I'm not thrilled. More new drugs in the last 6 months than in the 6 years before. I'm also experimenting with reducing the seroquel from 75 mg to 50 mg, since my sleep has gotten a lot better and I only wake up once or twice a night now. Between the drowsiness and 50lbs I've gained on this one, I really would like to reduce it. I'm going to try to book with a nutritionist over the holidays to work on a plan so I can shake that off. I've never been skinny, but this weight is scary.
I'm going to have to practice the new qigong meditation we did last we and calm myself down a bit. I swear, qigong is a lifesaver. I found out about it when looking up Tai Chi, and my class does both so I said "why not?" It's a combination of gentle exercise and meditation to work on the healing powers of your own internaly energy or chi/qi.
This meditation is really simple. It's best done while sitting on the floor. You put your right fingers over your left and themubs together then set those in your lap. If you're a beginner, like me, you imagine positive energy flows in with each breath, coming in at the top of your head. It pushes the negative energy out downward, into the earth where it can be cleansed. Repeat 36 times, or about 3~5 minutes if counting breaks your flow. At the end, envision all the fresh energy has settled in your dantian, which is three fingers below your belly button. This is where chi lives. You can imagine it as a tiny sun, warm and refreshing your entire self.
Tai Chi is based on the principles of qigong and the more practiced you get, the more you're moving from these lower energy centres instead of the muscles themselves. It's amazing to watch the 10+ year students move. They're so relaxed and smooth. Like watching the ocean.
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The meditation sounds simple enough! I'll try it.
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I had a few bad reactions to SSRI meds with regular doctors and one of them put me through drug withdrawal so I tend to freak out at new meds...
But so far I love my lamictal and buspirone, they don't seem to be causing any of the horrible side effects that the other meds took.
I hope the weaning off of the seroquel goes well. I don't know if you tried but my psychiatrist put me on a set of supplements to try for my insomnia. Extended release melatonin, magnesium, and zinc... There was also a chinese herb but I couldn't take that one because it affects the thyroid and I'm having thyroid issues.
I wasn't expecting it to work because in the past only meds worked but you have to try it for a month before they'll prescribe sleepy meds but it worked for me. If you want I'll try and find the sheet.
I've been gaining weight too. It's scary. Especially because I've always been rather chubby. I may try a nutritionist too. Especially since despite my best efforts my body seems determined not to absorb the vitamins it needs.
I struggle with meditation unless it's guided which is a shame. Because I can visit the beach in my mind at the doctor's office but when I'm at home trying it... No such luck.
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Have you tried pulling up guided meditations on youtube? I know there's lots out there, just find one you like.
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Qigong sounds amazing. I really need to start doing something myself. I'm starting to feel the fatigue from the chemo, and I'm supposed to be exercising to help stave it off. But I'd rather sleep.
Good luck with all the new meds.
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Exercise definitely helps with the fatigue, it gives me an extra couple hours in the day usually on days I do it.