I'm not your chamber maid, you're not my lord

I still seem to have a mild cough. I seem to have had this cough/cold for well over a month now. I suppose, logically, normal people would see a doctor about that. I'm not all that concerned about it yet. Mostly I have it in the morning, and if I get a dry throat (which I get a lot faster than usual, but). I keep joking that it's TB, but I haven't coughed up any blood yet. ;)

I've been doing really okay lately. Had a big reminder of how insanely amazing my closest friends are. (You all know who you are.) Sometimes, it can be strange to remember that you're loved.

::: Books :::

randomly (or perhaps not so randomly
it's hard to say now-a-days)
I've been apologizing a lot
far more than I ever have in my life

and these books
they just keep writing themselves
as I can only pay attention to the days
when we will have time to sleep
festooned with ribbons, like scars
bleeding over our arms and chests

the raindrops on the window
seemed like a foreign tongue
so I wondered how they read
don't you wish you understood?

::: Weeds :::

do you think Ophelia looked to the sun
as she drowned
daring it to give her hope
though she knew none
were her final thoughts of the man
who stole her heart
and then threw it away
like so many weeds
picked for all their charms
and given in disarray
flowers for her heart
decorating her own grave
floating near her hand
tangled with hair and dress
pressed against her skin
closer than the lover who wouldn't be?

::: Heart :::

maybe it's a form of subtle suicide
to throw myself at you
to let you have my heart
it's a pain that bleeds and spreads and smears
you could paint yourself in it
would you like to be that colour?
it's a delicate, precise procedure
to be carried out with a sledgehammer
this dessication... why am I so willing?
have I made these your bones to break?

I feel heavy though the blood lust is thin
heavenly screaming for the sacrificial goddess
painted in your martyrs' songs
dying to be alone
your blood-tinged hypocrisy
it's nothing I haven't done before
just another way of saying no
keeping jealousy hidden in smiles
the crafts of our hands
made false by our own self discretion