this scenery is evergreen...

As I often am, I'm left wondering what these people do when I'm not here to do everything for them.


Other than that... I'm still feeling absolutely exhausted. It's not fun. And no amount of sleep seems to be curing it. This is really annoying, as it's getting in the way of job hunting. And any other things I want to do.

::: Shine :::

my lord is a raven
and I am his crow
circling
ever circling at his feet
like a crown
of thorns or stars, I know not

I lay down to roost beneath his wing
there I am safe

I find
no fear in his dark feathers
for even in his most idling dreams
I am crowned with ice

and the flight we found
though brief
was satisfying in its cause
though countless heavy fallen years
may drown my eyes
panic
and despair painfully tainting alabaster skin

I know
his blackness can draw that poison
cleansing like fresh snow
warm hands to shape me whole

a dim heart
but unforgetful in gratitude
learning to shine
a secretly kingly bird
spreading
this gently nightish wingspan
taking in the snow

::: So Obvious :::

will I ever scream loud enough
for the world to see me?
are there any words
that can show my image clearly
I just want to be visible

there is a violence
within me that's not my own
like a hurricane
but I whisper like the wind
leaving only my deeds to show

I am shaking with all this
pent-up agitation of things I want
to change but can't
seem to find the means to do so
when it should be so obvious

::: Pocket :::

close my eyes so I can see you more clearly
I see you best when your fingers
curl about my shoulders

can I chose not to matter?
though I know you would never let me
because I will always matter, at least to you

you've got a way of speaking
that really turns my pace
and you guide my eyes to see brighter days

you've been in my pocket too long
or have I been hiding there while you play?
is this my truest freedom?

(no subject)

It's really true that most people get their jobs because of someone they know. So why can't I get a decent job through someone I know? Why can't it be easy for me like apparently everyone else?

It's not exactly like I'm picky. I would like something with decent pay and maybe a health plan would be nice, but other than that?




... *sigh*